“He’ll be good for you,” Darren said, squeezing my hand lightly in his.
“Don’t...” I replied. “I don’t want him. I want you.”
Darren sighed. “I want you to be taken care of. Bill will be a good provider. Promise me...promise...”
The words rang in my ears over and over as Bill grunted above me. He was nearing his climax and I could only feel numbness. And this was our wedding night. Bill cried out in ecstasy and when he finished, rolled off me and put his arms around my waist, breathing his warm sighs onto my neck.
“Was it good, baby?”
“Yes,” I lied. Darren was right. Bill was a good provider, but he would never be the great lover that Darren had been. Darren died three years ago, and I still grieved for him. Silently...but I mourned him, nevertheless.
I reached over and turned off the light.
Bill fell asleep quickly, our bodies meshed together as we lay on our sides, our knees bent, our legs intertwined. ‘This, at least,' I thought, 'is familiar.'
Later that night, Bill woke me up for sex again. Looking at him in the dark, he looked so much like Darren, with his curly hair and strong jawline. I fantasized that he was Darren and felt the first stirrings of passion since Bill and I had become lovers.
“Oh, baby...” Bill sighed.
I put my finger to his lips. “Shhhh...”
“Do you want me to turn on the light?” he asked, pausing in our lovemaking.
“No,” I murmured. I thrust my pelvis up and he began moving again, rocking into me with increasing motion.
“Oh, Darren!” I cried as I orgasmed, realizing my mistake too late.
Bill never said anything about my error that night. He has never mentioned it at all, though, I felt him wince when I said Darren’s name, so I know I hurt him deeply.
I think I fell in love with him then.
But I know his love for me is not as strong as it was before that dreadful slip. Still, Bill is loyal to me and is a wonderful, caring husband. And even though now I call out his name in the throes of our passion, he remains quiet.
His silence is the sad price paid for my comfort.
Well done. So sad, but well written.
ReplyDeleteThe heart wants what the heart wants. You made Bill a likeable guy, which made it even more painful to read. Well done.
ReplyDeleteOuch. One mistake you NEVER want to make. Truth here. nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThanks, ganymeder. I'm glad you liked it. I wrote it only this morning and it is a different piece for me, since I usually write sci-fi/fantasy. I wanted to try something different. Thanks for the comment!
ReplyDeleteShannon;
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting. I wanted Bill to be a character to sympathize with, but, I also feel sorry for my unnamed protagonist... he never gave Bill a chance to begin with, and now she has nothing but regret, because she ending up loving him. I tore this story out of my own widowhood and wonder if I will be able to love again. I hope I don't make her mistake, if I do.
Michael;
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Maria
Oh, this does make the heart ache!
ReplyDeleteWhile his love for her may be more subdued, Bill's loyalty and care show him to have been a wonderful choice after all.
Enjoyed it. *Sniff*
Very nicely done. So true, which is why it works so well. When the reader starts to wonder about when that silence of Bill's will break (as did I), then you know you've hit the mark.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and sad. So sad. So beautiful.
ReplyDeleteMarisa;
ReplyDeleteThanks. This was a different type story for me to write. I'm glad you liked it.
Joseph;
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what I wanted not to reveal and what I left for the reader to guess and you did that. Thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked it.
Julie;
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading and commenting.
This was really good. I thought you did fine job conveying the emotion of the piece. Love the one you're with, indeed.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I think it should end with the line, "I think I fell in love with him then." Cause that's just killer.
I liked that her happiness came at the expense of his. They seem to be on a more level playing field now, at least as far as happiness goes.
ReplyDeleteHow sad. You wrote a beautiful story though. Things like that happen all the time and it's terrible that people can't move past it. You captured that well.
ReplyDeleteVery nice story, Maria - lots of real feelings here. I agree with Lou that the last line should be "I think i fell in love with him then." It leaves more to the reader's imagination but it's a punchy ending. Well done!
ReplyDeleteLou;
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and your comments/suggestions. I'm glad you liked it.
Jared;
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and leaving your comments. And perhaps they can grow past this initial faux pas.
Laura;
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and commenting. I broke several of my traditions with this one. I don't normally write drama and I don't normally have much sex in a piece, but the muse put the thing in my head, so I had to write it. It is a sad story. I felt deeply for both characters as I was writing it.
Thanks for the input. I love getting feedback from such talented writers!
PJ;
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for your feedback. All of you great writer friends are sure to help me as I grow into the kind of writer I will eventually become. I'm grateful.
How very, very sad.
ReplyDeleteHopefully they will eventually put it past them, when he realises that she does actually love him...
Maria;
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. It does leave one wondering if they can get over this very tragic mistake.